Take My World Apart....

I've known that I'm a "fixer" but my friends are starting to notice it too. So, my friend Kizzle and I are going to hold that mirror up in front of our faces to see WHY we do the things we do in relationships. WHY am I a fixer? I know that this might be a painful experience, but I want to know. I need to know. This behavior needs to change in order for me to be in a meaningful, loving, give and take relationship. I've asked Papa to show me. As I write, my heart is pounding becuase I'm fearing what I'll be shown. But I also know that Papa will be gentle and I already know that He loves me immensely.

So my blogging the next few days will reflect on this journey.

In the meantime, this is my prayer to Papa: Take My World Apart by Jars of Clay

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart



I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart.

To all of my fellow believers: Pray for me. Pray that my heart will be open to my short-comings and that I won't wall up.