Oh Shit. I'm Finally Ready......

To all my friends reading this: SIT DOWN. Seriously. I don't want to be responsible for you hurting yourself. Especially you, OC.

Ok, so I come from a pretty big family. I have 5 sisters and 2 brothers, with my brothers being at the beginning and end of the chain. My older brother who I actually call "Brother" is married with 4 kids. Chapay is next and only has one. Then follows Izma with 3. I'm not done yet. Then there's Katinka with her 2. Then Satsuke has her one that she just had 4 months ago. Pinky BETTER not be knocked up and my baby brother Kiss (we named him that cuz as a little boy he'd walk around and want to kiss EVERYONE!) has none cuz he's only 17. So, everyone of childbearing age that is married has children. Yes, all of my siblings are married and there are no baby's daddy's or baby momma's. With that being said, I've always feared having kids. What if something I say screws them up? Or something I do? Or I just turn out to not be a good mommy? Most of my friends say I'd be a terrific mom, but it really boils down to what I think. Will I be a good mom? I think so. Maybe. Hopefully.

Even when I was married I wasn't ready to have kids. I think a lot of that had to do with sharing Matt. I didn't want to do that cuz I wanted him all to myself and I wasn't ready for our married life to change, yet. I admit being selfish in that regard and again, the fear of being a bad mom kept me from having babies.

I take care of most people around me. It's a disease I have that I can't seem to get rid of. I call it the "older child" syndrome. Us older children learned how to not only take care of ourselves but we also learned how to take care of the siblings under us, thus learning how to care for everyone around you. Sometimes it's a good thing to have and at other times, It's a downright curse. I woke up this morning thinking: Ok, I'm ready. Ready for what you ask?? Well, let me tell you. I'm ready for a baby. I know, I know!! What tha?!?!? As I was trying to help some friends thru a situation I thought, well damn...I take care of everyone around me, so why can't I take care of a baby?? MY baby? I couldn't come up with one excuse. Well, that's a lie. I did, but I had an answer for every excuse. oh man. I'm ready for a baby.

Now here's the funny part. I have no one to have a baby with. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!! How's THAT for irony??? Matt begged and begged me for a child and I wasn't ready. Now that I am, he's not around. I feel like Alanis Morissette right now. So I'm not gonna panic yet. I'm just gonna get myself ready to incubate a child. This includes taking prenatal's, exercising, stopping caffeine AND drinking. Wait. Am I THAT ready?!?!? No more java in the am OR Daddy Grey Goose?? Eeek. Hmmmmm....Maybe I'll just take it one day at a time and get used to the idea that I want a wee one. Great. Now that I want one I probably waited way too long and my damn ovaries are nothing but dust. (sigh)

Well, there it is. The Big News.