Imprinting....

I feel fantastic today!! I went home and after helping a neighbor out I couched it, watching a super depressing mini-series on HBO. Around 8:30 or so I finally got off the couch, ate something and attempted to do some homework. I'm usually really proactive so my being lazy kinda freaked me out. My good buddy, Long Island came over and we watched an episode of Firefly (I'm a geek..so what). We could only watch one though cuz I lost my stupid DVD remote control. I can't find that damn thing!!! After he left, I passed out on the couch and woke up in a great mood today. I'm pretty sure I needed sleep.

So I love having conversations with Long Island...well until he mocks me. Our conversation today revolves around imprinting. No, we aren't talking about Twilight imprinting although I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the movies/books. Sometimes in life something so profound happens that shakes you to your very core and makes you question every blessed thing about yourself. Imprinting: To produce a mark on (a surface) by pressure. He was shaken after a break up. I was shaken after my divorce, but those situations were able to have us hold mirrors in front of our faces to see what went wrong. What can I do to better myself? Where did I fail? How do I fix it? I don't now about Long Island but I'm grateful, in a weird way, for my situation. It has made me a better person. I know if I'm ever ready for marriage again, I'll be a good wife because I will know what went wrong and will be more proactive with any red flags I see. Matthew Sean will forever be imprinted on my heart. That's something that doesn't go away. Maybe in time it will...who knows.

Another situation that was imprinted in me was the passing of my mom. It made me evaluate my relationships with everyone around me. Do I value my time with them? Do they all know how much I love them? Do I make them feel special?

As painful as some situations can be, due to them piercing your very heart, they are also beautiful because they are making us grow as people. The intensity of physical, emotional or psychological pain makes us more receptive or alert to beauty. This is why after a hard relationship we can be grateful for the great one that comes next. Or why, after burying your mother, are you soaking up every moment you can with your father.

It's only on days like today, that we can look back with honesty and say...HOLY HELL THAT HURT...but you know what? I'm OK. It's exciting to look back to see growth and healing. These days may not occur very often but when they are here I grab onto them with both hands and hold them close to me, to carry me through future days of imprinting.