Opened Doors.

I'm on a high....I went to a luncheon yesterday at a school here in Denver that teaches dual-language. So by the time the kids leave elementary they are fluent in English and Spanish. This is exactly what I'm looking for. To help my gente get ahead in life. To show them that there is a way of life other then manual labor like our parents. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but to show them it's ok to want better.

I emailed the principal and asked her if I could help out. She said yes, there is a girl who is struggling in English and could I tutor her. Now, I haven't tutored before so I'm a little nervous about it, but my first hurdle to tackle was Janine. I nanny a sweet boy from 3:45-6. That entails picking him up from school, helping him with homework and maybe feeding him if he's hungry. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do both at the same time, that maybe Janine wouldn't want to share me. So I took a leap of faith and asked her if she minded if I did this. I would be willing to take Will with me to tutor. She emailed me back saying, please do this. This school is amazing and I want you to take this opportunity to get some school experience. She is amazing!!

So I start next Thursday. Again, I'm a little nervous but this is a new exciting chapter in my life. I'm actually getting to do what I want to and that's to teach children.

Killer Bunnies

This weekend has been pretty chill. I spend Friday night on the phone with my great friend Nate discussing life. I have been stuck on wine for a while now and the really nice guy at our liquor store recommended a red to me that I absolutely love. So I suggested it to Nate. Now, this red is classy and I was QUITE disturbed when he said, I think I'll try it while I'm playing some WOW. I almost wrecked my car for my outrage!!!!! :)

I learned a new game this weekend: Killer Bunnies. I'm addicted. Seriously addicted. It's so bad that I dreamed of the stupid game on the first night of playing it! This game can be so vicious and that's part of the fun. I was laughing so hard I almost had tears the first night, but then last night it wasn't so funny....I was so hurt at the move my friend did in the game to sabotage me, I had tears in my eyes. Of course he laughed so hard he snorted, which made me only more sad! I thought at that point, this is ridiculous that I'm tearing up over a damn game. But even in his sabotaging, I still won the game....again!! Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!!

It's snowing pretty bad out now and I wish I were snowboarding, not stuck in this office. But I'm grateful for a good job, so I won't complain....much. I'm wishing that I had a bf to come home to on snowy nights....where dinner would be ready (chili or something hot) and we could snuggle while watching movies......

Birthday Tizzy.......

Yikes....it's been quite a while since I've blogged. I've been out of town, busy and out of touch....so let's get caught up. I went home for Christmas and New Years. It was everything I wanted it to be. So much so, in fact, that I have decided to move back home to Cali. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have made up my mind. Cali baby, here I come! I'm very excited about this decision. I have peace with it and though I'm going to miss tons of great friends that I have made here, I'm done with Colorado...or the "ca-ca hole" as my dad calls it!!!

I went snowboarding with some friends this past Wednesday and kicked ass. It was the best I have ever, ever done. Maybe it was because I had a great instructor, or maybe it was because I just quit thinking and let my body react. Whichever it was, it worked cuz damn!!

I'm in a weird spot personally though.....I'm not sure why. No, that's a lie. I do know why. Next month is my birthday, I'll be a year older and no where close to where I wanted to be. But I really have no one to blame but myself. I'm working on things but Prince Charming is no where to be found, that bastard. Maybe that's my fault too. I'm just so fuckin picky!! I want a man who is extremely strong and won't mind putting me in my place (I need that every now and then) and who will speak up his damn mind. What's so hard in saying, Rae, you pissed me off today and this is why???? Is that really so hard?? I want someone with tattoos and who loves them like I love them. Someone who will understand that I can go from greatest woman in the world to bitch in .01 seconds. (And he'll still love me.) Someone who will snuggle with me when I occasionally need it. Someone who will understand that for the most part, I'm not a needy girl. I can handle my own and I deal with my issues on my own by re-treating into myself. Someone who will understand that me doing that isn't personal. This is just how I function. Someone who will understand I might want a baby one month, then the next month it's out of the fuckin question. Someone who loves to snowboard but will move with me to Cali...... Can I bio-engineer this man???? I don't need him to save me, cuz I don't need saving, but just someone to be with....to love....forever.

It's 9ish and I'm here at work to distract myself from my mood. I've been so good for the past month but this stupid impending birthday has me in a tizzy. Stupid birthday. No, that's not being grateful that I might see another birthday....stupid me for letting myself be in a tizzy over my birthday.

20 Days

My Thanksgiving weekend was pretty good. Busy but good. I got to spend it with Vernon's family. We went to his sister's house and relaxed, played games, talked and laughed...tons! It made me homesick but for the most part it was fun. Then Jaymie and I got up at the ungodly hour of 3:30 am to go shopping on Black Friday. It wasn't as chaotic as I thought it would be and we found some pretty good deals!

I'm starting to think that I need to hang around single people. Being around married couples all the time reminds me of what I had and stupidly let go. It's like a slap in the face and I'm starting to feel like maybe I am masochistic. Maybe I'm punishing myself by hanging around all these married friends. Don't get me wrong....they are tons of fun, but again, it's like ripping the wound open all over again.

The main drawback of hanging with single friends is the need for them to always go out. I'm so over that...being in the same clubs or bars and seeing the same ol people. That's not for me. Maybe I should take up a cooking class....

I was thinking yesterday that it had been an entire week since I had heard from Nate and I got a call while I was at church...it was Nate! The vampire magic must still be in the air for us. He left me a hilarious message and hearing about his life adventures makes me giggle. Although I don't think it made the 80 year old woman in front of him giggle, did it Nate??? I also got to talk to my cousin Charlie that I haven't spoken to in a very long time. It was good just to catch up and make plans for when I come home......

I'm anxiously counting down the days until I go home.....20 days to be exact!! 20 days until I get to see Nate and my family. 20 Days until I get to sleep in as long as I want, without worrying about being anywhere. 20 days until I sleep like a baby, with all my family under the same roof. 20 days until we are all at Blockbuster arguing over which movies to rent and leaving there an hour later with 5 movies! 20 days until all of us are eating dinner together, laughing and probably arguing too. 20 days until I'm at the beach. 20 days until I'm eating In N Out and Jack in the Box tacos! 20 days until I can have coffee with my daddy. 20 days until we are all in the kitchen making breakfast or dinner together. 20 days until I get to hug Tuna. 20 days until Pinky and I will be laying in her bed talking until 4 in the morning. 20 days until I put flowers on my mom's grave. 20 days is sooooo long........

False Start

I'm so restless today...almost antsy. Even my dreams were kinda weird. I was singing the song The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars....

"Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you.
Look in my eyes,
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you."

Although I really don't remember who I was singing to, but I was singing at the top of my lil lungs. I'm feeling as if there is something that I'm not supposed to do, but I'm dying to do it. It being..well...I'm not sure!!! UGH..how frustrating!! This is the part I hate about being patient. It's like I'm on the defensive line and getting called on a false start....I'm jumpy...trying to help myself, help myself!!! But I don't want to suffer the consequences of a 5 or 10 yard penalty. I have sooo much work to do today cuz I'm off for the rest of the week, but I can't seem to focus on anything......

Michael's

I came to figure out yesterday, that if I ever am a mother, I definitely won't be the Martha Stewart mom. I'd be the "let's get the baker to do that" kinda mom. My friend Jaymie was in Michael's trying to find cake decorating stuff so she could decorate a cake for a friends shower. When I asked her why can't we just get a baker to do this, I thought she would slap me! She was horrified! No, no, no.......we have to make it. We??? I stood in that aisle, totally confused at what fondant was and the millions of cookie cutters, icing dye, which is apparently different then regular food dye, and recipes there were. I literally had to sit down in the middle of the aisle to catch by breathe! After collecting what she thought "we" would need, we left the store and I was still slightly confused at why in the world we needed $57 worth of "stuff"! Again....can't we just get a baker to do this?? My poor future kids.

Ramen and Wienes and Bananas...OH MY!!!!

Yesterday was a great day. After work I called my sister Izma and was letting her know all the breakthroughs I've been having. While talking with her my other lil sister Pinky called me. I told her I was on the phone with Izma and she called her. She called me back when Izma told her she was talking to me...so we decided to conference her in. Well, 3 hours later we're still talking. It's great to have people in your life that will always love you now matter how many times you fall, or completely screw up. Both of them made me feel loved and I'm so excited to go home and be with family. I'm bummed Izma can't come home but I understand why. I'm glad my parents taught us the value of family. I feel sad for people who don't realize what they have in sister or brothers. They are missing out on best friends, on cheerleaders on shoulders they can lean on when your burden gets too tough to carry alone. I love my family so much.

Pinky and Izma don't knock the ramen and wienes till you try it!! Izma, back away from the bananas.....