Pain

I hate that I STILL miss him. Will this pain EVER go away??

Real Life Vampire........

I feel you sucking the life outta me and I don't know how to stop it. I'm slowly dying while you get better. How is this fair? You walk around so happy that today is a good day for you....you were able to banish your demon last night, but do you realize that you stole my energy in your banishing?? Do you see that I'm slowly disappearing before you? Do you see that I've lost a dress size not from exercise but from stress?? Obviously that fact that I work full-time, go to school full-time and have about 15 hours of homework a week doesn't stop you from keeping me up until 1 in the morning when you know I have to be up at 3:45am. You are so good at trying to sweep shit under the rug, do you see how big that pile is getting? It's becoming a huge mountain that is going to come to a head soon. Boiling point is 100 degrees C. My breaking point is coming very soon and my guess is that this will come completely out of left field for you. And this will be the excuse you give the world for you giving into your demon. It's HER fault. I can't wait for the shoe to drop anymore. I'm wasting away, wasting my life, wasting good energy on someone who is too blind to care for themselves so why should I give a flying fuck?! Chris told me last night it's because I'm too good of a person to walk away from someone who is hurting. The crazy thing is, he didn't have a clue of what is going on. All he said is so and so looks good since you've been their friend.....but you look tired and worn down. Are you ok?? Wake up call. How good of a person am I to let myself be taken under?? I guess that's the real question. How much do I love MYSELF to walk away?? To not be your friend anymore.?? What's hard for me is to try to not feel guilty if you give into your demon. It's your decision and I need to keep reminding myself of that........will someone please help me remind myself of that??